A Waddling We Will Go

I don’t know if it can be strictly attributed to age or if it is a genetic propensity for extra skin, but I have developed a waddle. I am not referring to walking like a duck but to the expansion of flesh that balloons beneath your chin and covers the front of your neck. (I think it was the show “Ally McBeal” that made the term synonymous with skin and not transportation.) Even though it is somewhat subtle, I am disturbed by this recent development.

Most of my life I have not been very concerned with getting my picture taken. Posing or only wanting my “good side” captured has never been an issue. I will admit that the last few years have seen me sucking in my stomach when I knew there was a camera around but there have been enough “candid” shots taken that even that became a waste of time (or is that “waist”?).

But this year, the waddle has brought a whole new issue to deal with in regards to photographs. I have actually had pictures retaken (and the insulting ones deleted) because my neck looks inflated. (PTL for digital cameras.) Yes, it is vain--so what?--but I’d like to think I can still rail against the visual signs I am getting older. The problem is there is no good way to hide a waddle. If I tuck in my chin even slightly it bloats out and I look like one of those lizards looking for a mate. I have tried to extend my neck right before the picture is snapped but that has proved to be a bad enough idea that no one will pose with me because I am being “weird” and I always look like I am straining for a high note. At this point I can only allow my picture to be taken if I am standing up and using perfect posture (with my chin tilted up ever so slightly). Are there exercises to reduce waddles? Not that I would do them; I’m just curious. It could be one of those “toothpaste is already out of the tube” issues that is impossible to reverse. One day I’ll relax and cease the fight, but it won’t be today. And I pray that ascots make a comeback.