Go Lightly into the Night

I had a colonoscopy yesterday. Not my first and I doubt it will be my last. In fact, as the doctor reviewed my folder right before the procedure (and the various results of my six previous visits), I suggested they create a "Frequent Probee" card that I could have punched and possibly get my tenth colonoscopy for free, or at least half price. The doctor did not immediately dismiss my idea, although he only offered a possible cut rate on the cost of the prep materials. I will take what I can get.

The reason I have endured so many of these procedures is my mother and her father both had colon cancer. My mom survived; my grandfather did not. Because of the family history, my siblings and I had to start this fun at age thirty and continue it every three (or five) years, depending on results and the mood of the physician. And every year my mom apologizes to me, losing sight of the fact that her ability to actually speak to me as a living person makes my small contribution to preventive medicine worthwhile.

But this year was different. I am 50 years old and I had to rebut her apology by reminding her that, because of my age, I would have been required to schedule a colonoscopy regardless of her. She is finally off the hook and I am glad to relieve her of one third of her burden. My brother and sister, both younger, are not that far behind me (See? I waited until the third graph to make some tacky jokes... I am slowly growing up), so she will be guilt free before she knows it.

And, FYI, I got a clean bill of health and don't have to come back for five years. I think the doctor got nervous about my punch card idea. I am guessing he wasn't serious about cutting me a deal and decided to keep me away for a while. Trust me, I won't forget Dr. TheMan. I won't forget...

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